Melbourne Lair: Why you should think twice! - Melbourne Dating CoachMelbourne Dating Coach


Some traditions are worth keeping, others need to be reinvented. The traditional use of the phrase “Lair” goes way back to the early 2000’s when “pick-up artists” (PUA’s)  began developing and practicing their trade. A “Lair” was the name given to a community of PUA’s that congregated together in a particular town or city, and was made famous by the commercial success of “The Game” by Neil Strauss. Hence the term “Melbourne Lair” is a community of men based on a loosely based set of ideals set around developing a better dating life. The term has some unfortunate connotations that need to be noted and considered.

Firstly, taking without context, the word “lair” can attract some obvious creepy vibes. When someone thinks of a lair, they think of a dark, cold, burrow for a scary animal. With this in mind one wonders what the early PUA’s were thinking when they chose this macabre word to describe their community.

But they had their reasons. When you look back and examine the period of time when men where developing these communities, you get a general sense of their mindset – a mindset that is very different from the modern puck-up artist that operated today.

Reading back to the early day pick-up artists gives you a sense of we are men who can’t get any woman. We’re pissed off about it and are going to get back at woman with techniques to make them sleep with us. So you can imagine, any community of guys holding such a mindset would naturally create a creepy name for their community. A Lair is a secret cave, a place where men can get together in secret, discuss their woes and make strategies to back at woman. It was aptly named for what it was back then. But this is no longer the case.

The modern day Pick-up artist doesn’t hold the ideals of those who brought the practice into existence. The modern day man sees the journey as a path of development, as a skill that will enable them to not only be with more woman, but give woman a much better experience by being with a strong and confident man. Pick-up artists no longer hold with the ideals that were created at the communities conception, and many find it hard to relate to the term “lair”

Further adding to problems of the word is the public opinion attached to it. The pick-up industry had received some bad press over the years, especially in Australia over the Julian Blanc incident. When people hear the word “pick-up artist” or “lair” now, they will likely associate it with the bad press that was created around the aforementioned incident.

There are many reasons why the word “lair” should be replaced. But the problem is, if it was, the many guys out their searching for a better way to live would likely be utterly lost. If guys have anything in common over the far stretches of the world, it’s that we all want to get better with woman. And for better or worse, the word “lair” is attached to this phenomenon, and it will likely stay that way for a while to come.